Funny Quotes

It is dull, Son of Adam, to drink without eating, " said the Queen presently. "What would you like best to eat?""Turkish Delight, please, your Majesty, " said Edmund.

Aren’t faeries supposed to be, like, really tiny? With wings and a wand and faerie dust?”“I’m not Tinker Bell!

Never grow up!

Pick up a thing, " [Wizard Kadmeion's]mother would say. "Touch, smell, and taste it. Listen to its nonsense. Then put the funny thing in its proper place.

As a kid my heart would break for the villains.

Bragging about your compassion is the first step towards feeling a genuine emotion.

True devotion and humility is when you carelessly allow yourself to fall in love with things you consider will make you look inferior, which in essence, makes you superior.

I love like I’m thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand?

Here for business or pleasure, Mr. Wheeler?""Redemption, " Shane says.

I grabbed a shovel and dug, and dug, and dug.Sorry not a very poetic thought, but very deep.

For every guy who loves being a dad, there’s another who realizes too late that he’s created something his wife loves more than him.

You will miss a normal life while living a successful life, but not as much as the craving for a successful life while you were living a normal life.

If you have money but not love you will somehow manage, but if you don't have both then you are in serious trouble.

Not obedience or feelings or respect, there is only one thing which people take seriously at all time and its "money".

Apart from the economic value, money does have high moral value.

Remember: There's a reason the fairy godmother gave Cinderella two glass slippers.

I chase goals, not girls.

If you're stressing over happiness, you're doing it wrong!

I'd love to be what I have been.

Why are we learning about the past, when this is History?

When I look back on the stuff I used to wear, I wonder why somebody didn't try to stop me. Just a friendly warning, "You may regret this, " would have been fine.

Don't plead with anyone if you were not at fault, you'll only look inferior, stupid and funny, bolster your ego by doing the undoing.

I am not fake, I am just too good to be true (-:

It's not that I can't express myself, it's that I still feel present when I'm not expressing myself.

No, " said the cat. "Now, you people have names. That's because you don't know who you are. We know who we are, so we don't need names.

I’ve written for the waste basket so often that we’ve become friends. He writes too, but it’s mostly garbage.

You still awake?' asked the anesthetist.'Nope, ' I replied.

Some people are street-smart, some people are book-smart, but most people are just dumber than dirt.

Luck is merely a product of the happily delusional mind.

Life is what you make it. Unless some guy finds you with his girl. Then the ball's pretty much in his court.

You're just so lucky blood's so hard to get out of the carpet.

You're gonna sit down. You're gonna shut up. And by the grace of God Almighty, I ain't gonna kill you.

Every morning I read the obituaries. If it ain't there I make myself a cup of tea and carry on like I have the past century or so.

If there's no sea-gull there's no meeting, Wicklow had said. No sea-gull means abort. That's my epitaph, thought Barley. 'There was no sea-gull, so he aborted.

Do you get a percentage for every soul you corrupt or is this just how you get your kicks?” I enquired.“Take it as a compliment. I only try to corrupt people I like.

The good thing about the aristocracy – German or English – was that they were easily traced, Mirabelle thought.

Though everyone in the bar knew who he was, no one asked him about the death, though one old man did rustle his newspaper suggestively.

Indignation is often the best defense.

I feel like I've been ironing all day in high heels and no brassiere. ~Tizzy Donovan, Laid Out and Candle Lit

I'd rather be stung to death by a bunch of piss ants. ~Synola Harper, You're Busting My Nuptials

I swear, when that woman dies, she'll be deader than everybody else.~Pattiecake from Laid Out and Candle Lit

Word of advice - never ask a terrorist the question 'What would you do for a Klondike bar?'.

When you’re given the gift of truth, you spend a lot of time trying to tone it down because it is already offensive enough.

Oliver has stated many times his dislike of hearing advice from his younger sister, so it is his own fault if he has not got sense enough to see which way the wind is blowing.

I will call bullshit on that so many times that the word bullshit will lose all meaning. -Milo

When someone gives you advice, just ask them to give it in writing and they will either keep mum or will run from there.

Sometimes advises from others are more difficult to bear with than even slang.

Women who seek advice from single women about getting a man is like asking a homeless man how to be rich.

I liked my face. Ethan liked my face. A lot of people liked my face. Besides, makeup was really just glorified face paint.

Unhealthy behavior is actually common among doctors, who tend to know a lot about medicine but very little about health.