Funny Quotes
So why are you so mad at me for kissing you?”“Because you took too long. If you'd done that, say, three years ago, we wouldn't have only had one kiss before we both get horribly mutilated.
I DON’T KNOW! I HAVE NO FREAKIN’ IDEA. I’M ONLY FIFTEEN. I want my mom.
Yes, from drinking too much beer and generally being a tyrannical egomaniac.
It's just...how do I put this? Maybe it's just hard for me to imagine turning down something that's so much harder for someone like me to find.
Skulduggery stood among the ruins of what had once been a sofa. Valkyrie raised an ey
Webster said, ''Time them skeeters get done with that old man, his French blood will be all gone and he will speak American as good as we do.
(About a cookbook...)- What about this one? Maids of Honor?- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts.
I am in the prime of my womanhood, nunga-nungas poised and trembling (attractively). Lips puckered up and in peak condition for a snogging fest.
Or should I say that he is like the hand that is able to scratch your itchy parts with the perfect amount of strength!
Miss Green can call a turd a rose if she wants, but that don't mean people's going to be lining up to smell it.
He had spoken with such absolute confidence that I knew he had to be blowing this out of his rectal orifice.
Yesterday is a pile of rubble. Today is a pile of opportunity. Life takes a new dump each morning
There is no point in housing troubles inside your underwear if you can’t solve them by yourself.
Is that the biggest favor your vocal cords have done to anyone this week?
The only person who worries about my mother is God, and that's only because she wants His job.
He has been mad for you these many months, ever since you prodded him in the nether regions with a hedgehog.
Great, Alexia thought, I have gone from soul sucker to electrical ground. The epithets just get sweeter and sweeter.
Everyone has someone to call on when they're down, let me be that someone when that ones not around.
There comes a time in every woman's life where she will decide to eat cookie dough. It is when and how that truly defines her.
I tried to blow a yellow jacket out and now it's wearing a bow tie in its mouth.
If you want to keep people happy, just keep the food and entertainment rolling.
Did we really come all that way?" She asked. "Time flies when you're scared out of your mind." He answered.
Sometimes we know people who aretoo wonderful for words. I am not one of them.Or you, for that matter, as you well know.
And the challenge in the next round would be determined by the winner of this test. "Like, what, the DOM-matrix?" ~Tara Reese
Anna gave her that disjointed look with which so many people regarded Hannah, as if they has fallen too many words behind to ever catch up.
Am I higher or lower than she? It was always the vital question for Anna: who was superior, and how she could position herself so that she would be perceived as superior?
I'm rarely rude except accidentally, and that doesn't really count...
Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor!
If the pen is mightier than the sword, a sharpie must be plain deadly!
Worry wasn’t an emotion to which he was particularly accustomed—and it worried him.
If that's the case, waiter, please bring me another piece of cake, " Gramps said as lunch was brought to the table, "I'm all for fighting tyranny and oppression.
Diesel sucked air. "You keep fondling me like that, and I might have to marry you.""I'm not fondling you. I'm looking for the keys!""Could you look a little more gently? You're scaring my boys.
They were Republicans, Nixon Republicans, and so didn't subscribe to the notion that laws are supposed to apply to all people equally.
I'm past competing in pissing contests. My jet stream is now more of a trickle. The only contest I'd win is the number of trips to the bathroom it takes to purge a 32oz soda.
How many beers do y'all think it takes before one internationally scientist turns to another and says, 'Dude, bet you twenty bucks I can levitate a frog with a magnet?' ' Sam drawled.
I just called you corny and said you were wearing a green dress. That's, like, the least flirtatious thing anyone's ever
