Funny Quotes
All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.
When it comes to being famous, you’re usually the last to know, and the first to deny it. Unless you were already famous in your head. In which case, party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!
Knowing all the languages in the world could help you to really understand all the jokes you can hear... from my future Kids' Funny Business.
Beside me, Philippe and Meg hold hands. He murmurs something that sounds like, "my dear leetle mongoose." I wish he'd turn back into a frog and hop away.
Like some huge, mutant chicken–I sat there hatching a gas-egg the size of a planet.
This many pretty girls in the room, all watching you boys like you’re a wedding-reception one-night stand waiting to happen—
I’d like to say I’m not dressed up for anyone in particular, but that would be a lie.
They say the crazies come out at night. I say the crazies come out during election year: Elections have the power to turn once seemingly normal people into certified loonies.
If you want to find out if someone is a true bookworm or not, give them a thousand page novel and see what happens.
Lipstick?" He arched a brow."I'm on the hunt for my perfect shade, " I respond, de
Growing up I sometimes imagined that for Christ's return perhaps He would appear as 'Black Jesus' to white people and 'White Jesus' to black people just to screw with the racists.
There is this common notion that people are shallow and ignorant until they go out and see the world. I, on the other hand, went out and in comparison realized I was in pretty good standing.
Angels are good not simply because they see bad as bad, but also because they see bad as corny.
Be careful not to appear obsessively intellectual. When intelligence fills up, it overflows a parody.
The funny thing about the heart is a soft heart is a strong heart, and a hard heart is a weak heart.
A question that always makes me hazy is it me or are the others crazy'Albert Einstein
I treat my thoughts like an old person treats their valuables: I cannot for the life of me proceed to throwing them out.
To claim that one can never live a positive life with a negative mind is a very negative claim to make!
What the famous big blue Boy Scout told to a green Kryptonite? What?? YOU rock!
Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs
After each of his books, the writer, for a while, feels once again that he can now die happy.
If a wizard should take up residence in your garden and requests food, you are obliged to feed him.
I love religious nuts. They make me remember I have them too. So, being a health nut, I scratch them religiously. Just as I do my butt.
Humans, left to own misguided devices, scratches the Divine in the self as one would the lice, but remember to lick well all the vices.
When a female cop pull you over for speeding, to get out of the ticket, talk nice to her, try to flirt or start crying, i bet she will save the ticket for you.
Hurry, your imaginary heaven is calling you up, my dear holier-than-thou religious nuts.
Don´t let egos get in the way to ruin your day. If someone holds their inflated ego, blow it away!
Ladies glisten, men perspire, horses sweat.-Early Nun Quote, The Old Ursuline Convent (1727) New Orleans, LA
I don't think the heavy stuff is gonna come down for quite a while!” ― Bill Murray character in Cadyshack
