Funny Quotes
Yo Mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.
Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.
What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone's been on a 747.
Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.
Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.
Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.
MY FRIEND: SO DO YOU TAKE A FOREIGN LANGUAGE CLASS?ME: SURE DO HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS.MY FRIEND: COOL WHAT LANGUAGE?ME: MATH.
Little people make tall claims. As being this-that avatar or messiah. Some even say they're God. Well, if they are, I'm their grand-pop.
Her mouth set. "I've already lost one man I loved tonight. I will not lose the other." She glared at him. "And curse you, you stone head, for making me say it first.
Do not believe in a god who is as silly, and meaner than you. For, that would surely be your higher-self, and your stupid alter-ego.
How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?
What’s not to love? I made friends with a pretty girl and now we get to plan a castle break in. This beats the day to day kill, eat and survive.
Because zombies can’t go out into the sun, most of them tend to be afraid of anything that can go into the sun and live to tell the tale.
So, am I too, like all other humans, just a rogue? Sure! Just a notch less than those rascals wearing godly robes.
Ish #19 "If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?
Wisdom of the Ages: "Brian Williams Week" Now that NBC is giving him a sixth month "leave" I wonder if he will be "Killing Time-In Saudi Arabia!
Of course I love you. For real. I will sure come and personally meet you myself. Just to make sure you're well. When is your funeral?
Wisdom of the Ages "Unsuccessful Town Slogans" Sequim (WA)- "We put the Dung in Dungeness.
Wisdom of the Ages: "Brian Williams Week" Just like me in 2003, it looks like Brian Williams ended up "Between Iraq and a Hard Place.
Wisdom of the Ages: "Skull and Bones" A secret society of spoiled twits whose apparent purpose in life is littering the landscape with as many as possible.
Wisdom of the Ages: "The Pope and Congress" It looks as if confidence in the American voter to exorcise the demons in the Capitol has completely fallen through.
Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.
I'm joking when I say I'm the grand-pop of those claiming to be an avatar-messiah or god. But if they're serious, then, I am who I am.
Just like you silly bums, I have a personal sky god. I bow to him, as you do to your airy-fairy sod. He prefers I call him Mr. NOT.
Respect? Of course, always, to all, because everything seems funnier when you're trying to show respect.
There is a certain delightful sort of hope which the introvert can receive only by having company over...the hope that they will leave soon.
..."vers libre, " (free verse) or nine-tenths of it, is not a new metre any more than sleeping in a ditch is a new school of architecture.
Pure wisdom is the 'fruit of life' banal platitudes are the 'bane of existence'.
How easy it is for so many of us today to be undoubtedly full of information yet fully deprived of accurate information.
Punctuation was, it is sad to say, invented a very long time ago. Even more frustrating, it has remained with us ever since.
Don't worry. Life goes on. With or without you. So, live it, while it's given you.
One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.
The wider you spread your fingers apart while clapping is equal to the amount of retarded you look while clapping.
Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.