Funny Quotes

Renko has just about had it. Pretty soon somebody will come out of the dugout with a fork and get him.

That big guy, Winfield, at 6'6", can do things only a small man can do.

Tony Taylor was one of the first acquisitions that the Phillies made when they reconstructed their team. They got him from Philadelphia.

Montefusco bare-hands it and throws him out. That grounder will make you a traveling salesman in a hurry!

The Padres are really swinging some hot hats tonight!

Turner was like a pencil. He bent around that pitch!

Finley is going over to get a new piece of bat.

The Cards lead the Dodgers 4-2 after one inning and that one hasn't even started.

At the end, excitement maintained its hysteria.

Larry Moffett is 6' 3". Last year he was 6" 6".

George Hendrick simply lost that sun-blown pop-up.

Rick Miller hit only one home run last year, and that's like hitting none.

Montreal leads Atlanta by three, 5-1.

You walk into the locker room, and you see players with their ripping muscles and stomachs you could wash your clothes in.

Larry Lintz steals second standing up. He slid, but he didn't have to.

I don't mean he missed him, but he just didn't get him when he put the tag on him.

The last time Pena faced the Padres, the Dodgers scratched for a run to tie the game and then went on to win 4-0.

Many people think the Cards at the end of the wire will cross the finish line first.

That home run ties it up, 1-0.

That was like swatting June bugs off a fly.

From the way Denny's shaking his head, he's either got an injured shoulder or a gnat in his eye.

If ever an error had "F" written on it, that grounder did.

It's funny, these days, if you want money, you can create an App or some kind of tech thing and make a billion dollars.

With Jerry Bruckheimer, you know you'll get your money's worth. You're getting huge action sequences, it's going to be funny, and you know it's going to look great.

I think of myself as a funny guy but nobody thinks I'm funnier than my daughters.

I didn't know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it's a musical.

I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.

Why would anybody want a friend?

Everyone thinks softball is a girl's game. But you only think that until you get hit with it on a line drive.

I don't think my judgment is that good. I don't know what is funny.

It got hard to juggle the funny on set and then even harder in post-production.

I guess the more serious you play something, if the context is funny, then it will be funny and it doesn't really require you to be necessarily, explicitly humorous, or silly.

Isn't it weird that I'm getting all emotionable?

When I read a script, I have to see the funny, and if I can see it's funny, it helps me to be able to transmit that.

Nature has a funny way of breaking what does not bend.

Back then, if you had a sore arm, the only people concerned were you and your wife. Now it's you, your wife, your agent, your investment counselor, your stockbroker, and your publisher.

It's funny how a film about a murderous old English toff can help you.

Donald Trump was very receptive. Funny. Cracked some jokes. And understand it very well. And said he was in that he would work with us.

If we (Lauren and Jim) ever get married, we're just going to put helmets on, run into each other from a hundred yards, and smash together like rams

Don't you just hate it, when you are in bed with three beautiful women, and the least attractive one whispers: save it for me!

You ain't going nowhere, son. You ought to go back to driving a truck.

It's strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you're just like "WHATEVER! Why don't you send me an e-mail so I can delete it?"

You can't tell me the success of Kevin Bacon isn't somehow tied to his name. You're not going out to see a Kevin Hot-Dog movie.

Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, "Take that, Lipitor."

After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!

Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John.

I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.

That's why when I send a postcard I quiz people. "Hey, did you get that postcard?" "Yeah, yeah yeah." "Well what'd I say?" "Uh, you were havin-" "I was in jail"

Comics write to their point of view. If you're an exceedingly irreverent comedian, you've got to see where that point of view fits or produces the most funny.

Cancer is always funny.