Death Humor Quotes
God takes two and make them one but satan takes one and make it two.
There is a throne up there and someone is sitting on it. It is not you, the economy or your government. My God is still on the throne and I shall not worry.
My faith gives me the ability to say, whatever is next, I'm ready. If it is Hillary or Trump I am ready because they might sit on the desk but they do not sit on the throne.
You don't have to feel grateful in order to be grateful.
I had no idea how to respond, and opted for a smile, which serves me well on most occasions (not if it's something to do with death or illness, though -- I know that now.)
As a general rule, if anyone ever asks you to put stockings on a ninety-year old deceased Romanian woman with oedema, your answer should be no.
Some people are still alive only because they find being dead more boring than being alive.
Some people would not be dead if they have not gotten the things or people they had prayed for.
The fact that you have just buried your parent or parents and/or sibling or siblings does not make you less likely to die today.
Your relationship or marriage is dead or dying, if you almost always have to remind your partner to miss you (and/or they almost always have to remind you to miss them).
Not everyone who has killed themselves because they were HIV positive would have been killed by AIDS.
Being HIV positive doesn’t necessarily mean that you are going to die before each and every person who is HIV negative.
If there were something that Mother Nature or God could do with money, She or He would have sold immortality to the rich a long time ago.
I treat my thoughts like an old person treats their valuables: I cannot for the life of me proceed to throwing them out.
I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one? Oh, and could you pull a few weeds while you're here?
After each of his books, the writer, for a while, feels once again that he can now die happy.
What'd you think would happen when you died? That the prophecy would just be over and we'd all be like, oops, guess we got that one wrong?
Wait.” Stefan’s voice was hard suddenly. Bonnie and Elena turned back and froze, embracing each other, trembling. “What is your—your father—going to do to you when he finds out that you allowed th
People say that they want to kill me. All I say is "I'm sorry but your appointment doesn't start until another hour, please sit in the waiting room.
The body of the last Flealouse contained the flesh of everything that had ever lived. It was content.
I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.
A tip for increased sales or in situations of life or death: Try to always refer to the lady as Miss. or Ms. Using the term: Ma'am could piss her off.
It is said that the dead are infinitely patient, although it is usually said by the living, and how would they know?
If there's a place for me in Hell I hope it's next to someone like you
The train hit her with the sound of a meat-filled hefty bag smacking the pavement, and the effect was much the same, I guess. (Dark City Lights)
Good thing we weren't here when this happened, " Fred added. "We'd be pancakes - DEAD ones!
When you're reaching the end of the semester and you just wanna die. Coffin Making 101 is literally killing me.-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz
Because seeing someone’s heart ripped out, presumably for the first time, is something a person should accept naturally, like finding out there’s no Santa Clause.
If you are reading this, I'm dead. Don't celebrate too much. Jesus is watching.
To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor.
I don't know whether to be proud or appalled that danger, blood and death inspire you so.
A heart? Peppone knows where one is to be met with. There is always someone in the black market in need of dying early.
I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I’d better go drown myself before I freeze to death.
A friend comes over with a Ouija board.It spells out: Bourbon. Where’s the band?Just because you’re dead doesn’t mean you can’t have fun.
The past you lost is just like a dream. As you woke up new lifestarts. So, your actual birthday will be your death day.
I don't want to be remembered as a woman from Saint Louis who died. I want to be remembered as a woman from Saint Louis who left and actually did something with her life. Then died.
Death is, in fact, oddly pleasant, and certainly an improvement on what comes immediately before it.