Comedy Quotes

I have started a new blog W.A.R.(Writers Amongst Readers) for all those writing or reading books. Quotes, excerpts, comments from the world's greatest writers. See robinhawdonblog

I am always happy, because whenever I am sad I just know that somewhere, somehow, there is a person who is PUSHING a door that says PULL.

Treat me like a joke, watch me leave you like its funny

They are not grey roots! This is my new fifty shades of grey OMBRE hairstyle!

All can I say is that exams are damn pathetic

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Super Bowl Sunday" "Lost in a Roman wilderness of pain-and all the children are insane.-" The Doors

World is so full of idiots that you can't even imagine to escape. The only solution is isolation. But it still spares one!

Turning to Turnip, Miss Dempsey said, 'Do you think?'. 'As little as I can, ' Turnip replied honestly.

Are You Driving With Your Eyes Open? Or Are You like Using The Force?

There is no cure for madness except the madness as the cure.

Gentle reminder, Smile please.

I have a bad grammar, but I do have a good message in it.

What a cool name. Where'd you get it?""I've always had it.

You're boring me, M'Ordant. Go away." V'Aidan"You can't be bored." M'Ordant"And a good thing, too, since I'd no doubt perish from it while in your company." V'Aidan

The fool has said in his heart: pass me another Everlasting God-Stopper, please.

MY FRIEND: SO DO YOU TAKE A FOREIGN LANGUAGE CLASS?ME: SURE DO HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS.MY FRIEND: COOL WHAT LANGUAGE?ME: MATH.

Archbishop: "God is with us!"William the Great : "Bishop, if God is with us, then he is not with them, congratulations!We are victorious!

loosing character is not easy, behind lots of hard work

I am not fake, I am just to good to be true :-)

Buffoons may have serious faces behind their mask!

am still confused, how you fallen in love' with fat dog?...

It's not fair!" (Ryssa)Because life was ever about fairness.Oh, to be as naive as his sister.

And there were carved hearts in the trunks of trees with the initials of couples who felt there was no more romantic thing they could do to celebrate their love than scar the local plant life

You just wanted to walk in front of me so I'd have to stare at your butt

A woman needs a man like a tortoise needs a crah helmet.

I don’t think this is working out between us, ” I told him. “You and I want different things. It’s not me, it’s you.

Everybody! This is my cousin right here, and he just dethroned God's gift to Women - Griffin

I love to stalk. I love to stalk you real, real good. I took your name home after our date and we had the best Google session of my life.

I'd like to lose enough weight so that my bones creaked louder than the floor

As the nicknames get shorter, people come closer.

Jeez, you’re strong.” And you, Sam, are a conversational reject.

I want you to get a haircut so you don't look like Ish Kabibble on a rainy night.

You look worse today than you did when you had two blackeyes.”“Why, thank you, Tyler. You always say the sweetest things.

Not to alarm you or anything, but I think you just made a deal with a Mexican gang." I've read Simone Elkeles books. I know how this whole garage as a front thing works.

Have you ever chopped down something with an ax? Not fun. I now have serious doubts regarding George Washington and his cherry tree.

There really isn't much use in getting into a pissing contest since I have to sit down to pee anyway.

You ‘accidentally’ touched his bottom? Didn’t that happen when you last saw him aswell? Surprising how often that seems to be a problem.

No punching?" he asked."No.""No kicking?""No.""How about arm wrestling?""No. And before you ask, we've avoided Slug Bug, Slap Bets, and any and all Dance-Offs."Fate Succumbs

i like it because it is so funny and harry is so rude and but sometime he ca be nice to people.

I wanted to beat the heck out of the JV guys for that, except I wouldn't know what to do in a fistfight without a manual.

Kissing, said Lesley, ought really to be taught as a school subject, preferably instead of religious studies, which nobody needed.

Most humans expressed affection by pressing their lips together, a simple act, so why would anyone feel the need to research the process?

I'd like to point out that we've had zero problem reaching each other's mouths.

Don't confuse efforts with results....

I had not, I said to myself, come into the future to carry on a miniature flirtation.

Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?"Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.

First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.

Ender began to eat, slowly and carefully, pretending not to notice he was the center of attention.

If you have a problem with me, it is OK, because Mullah Omar does too.

Even her pink bunny slippers seem to prick up their ears.Diary of a Penguin-napper (p. 15)