Terry Pratchett Quotes

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.

Colon thought Carrot was simple. Carrot often struck people as simple. And he was.Where people went wrong was thinking that simple meant the same thing as stupid.

I never said nothing...""I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn't dead!

Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg!

(About sweeping)....What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends.

. . . you worked for Harry King, they said, because a broken leg was bad for business, and Harry King was all about business.

How can anyone trust scientists? If new evidence comes along, they change their minds.

Did I see them waving?' said Mrs Liberty'And particling, I shouldn't wonder' said the Alderman

A witch ought never to be frightened in the darkest forest, Granny Weatherwax had once told her, because she should be sure in her soul that the most terrifying thing in the forest was her.

A stink. A stench. A foulness in her mind, dreadful and unforgiving. A compost of horrible ideas and rotted thoughts that made her want to take our her brain and wash it.

The intelligence of that creature known as a crowd is the square root of the number of people in it.

It is always useful to face an enemy who is prepared to die for his country, " he read. "This means that both you and he have exactly the same aim in mind.

Men marched away, Vimes. And men marched back. How glorious the battles would have been that they never had to fight!

Now we have travelled a hundred million steps from the Datum, we are finding life systems entirely unlike our own - and yet we still find war. Must it always be so?

William: "I'm sure we can all pull together, sir."Vetinari: "Oh, I do hope not. Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions.

You're not allowed to call them dinosaurs any more, " said Yo-less. "It's speciesist. You have to call them pre-petroleum persons.

Were you proposing to shoot these people in cold blood, sergeant?""Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir.

Red sky at night, the city's alight.

Whoever had created humanity had left in a major design flaw.It was its tendency to bend at the knees.

. . . Mrs. Arcanum considered foreign parts only marginally less unspeakable than private parts. . .

It's political, sir. Apparently he wants a return to the values and traditions that made the city great, sir." "Does he _know_ what those values and traditions _were_?" said Vimes, aghast.

Handle with care. Probably has Views. Do not attempt to kiss hand.

High magic requires a great clarity of thought, you see, and women's talents do not lie in that direction. Their brains tend to overheat.

The trouble is that things never get better, they just stay the same, only more so.

Humans had built a world inside the world, which reflected it in pretty much the same way as a drop of water reflected the landscape. And yet ... and y

As far as he could see, the drawings were simply alive. They might be colored earth on rock, but they were as alive as the kangaroo that'd just hopped away.

His granny taught him to read, see. I reckon it overheated his mind.

He was stupid, yes, in the particular way that very clever people can be stupid.

Inside every sane person there's a madman struggling to get out, " said the shopkeeper. "That's what I've always thought. No one goes mad quicker than a totally sane person.

And just when you’d think [humans] were more malignant than ever Hell could be, they occasionally showed more grace than Heaven ever dreamed of.

Fire is easy to work with if you keep your mind clear, but pain . . . pain fights back. Pain is alive. Pain is the enemy.

Big fat hairy monkey, hands a couple of octaves wide?

The money… will talk?' said Mr Spools carefully.'Imps, ' said Moist. 'They're only a sort of intelligent spell. They don't even have to have a shape. We'll print them on the higher denominations.

That was an important rule of any game: always make it easy for people to give you money.

A flicker of defiance flared very briefly in Rincewind's battered heart.

Fantasy - the ability to envisage the world in many different ways - is one of the skills that makes us human.

NEITHER RAIN NOR SNOW NOR GLOM OF NIT CAN STAY THESE MESENGERS ABOT THEIR DUTY

Too much alleged ‘fantasy’ is just empty sugar, life with the crusts cut off.

I just think the world ought to be more sort of organized.''That's just fantasy, ' said Twoflower.'I know. That's the trouble.' Rincewind sighed again.

Humans need fantasy to be human.

It is true that words have power, and one of the things they are able to do is get out of someone's mouth before the speaker has the chance to stop them.

Adora Belle fought back, and to make sure fought back even before she was attacked.

The universe, they say, depended for its operation on the balance of four forces which they identified as charm, persuasion, uncertainty, and bloody-mindedness.

That's No'-as-big-as-Medium-Sized-Jock-but-bigger-than-Wee-Jock-Jock, mistress, ' said Not-as-big-as-Medium-Sized-Jock-but-bigger-than-Wee-Jock-Jock. 'Ye were one jock short, ' he added helpfully.

My personal theory is that he has a very firm grasp upon reality, it's simply not a reality the rest of us have ever met before.

Reality so often fails when it comes to small, satisfying details, she thought.

Positive thinking, ' he would say, 'is also very important.

Yes, but nomes aren’t hard to make, ” said Dorcas. “You just need other nomes.” “You’re weird.

As far as she could see, children mostly argued, shouted, ran around very fast, laughed loudly, picked their noses, got dirty and sulked.