S. Jones Quotes

I could hardly be responsible for my actions when everyone around me gave me every opportunity to sink to their low expectations.

Having Reyes so near is painful. I think it has apoplexy." "Do you even know what that means?" "No, but it sounds serious. Like Ebola. Or hives

I have depth. I've read Proust. No, wait, that was Pooh. Winnie the Pooh. My bad" Charley Davidson.

In three hundred feet, turn right," Darth Vader said. The Darth Vader. I felt like we were friends now. Like I could tell him anything.

Love was not only blind, it often careened into Blithering Idiotsville as well.

Oh, and she told me that men want only one thing. And on that note, I must give praise and thanks to the powers that be. I don't want much else from them either.

You take everything onto your shoulders like that guy who holds up the world, and you shouldn’t. You’re not nearly as muscular.

Okay, I’ll put someone on it. But you know, the Albuquerque Police Department wasn’t really created to find things out for you.” “Really? That’s weird.

I had a horrible feeling my leg was broken. If it wasn’t, it had a lot of explaining to do.

I have three words for you," EMT Guy said. "Possible internal bleeding." I turned back to him. "Don't you think if I was bleeding internally, I'd know somewhere deep inside? Like, internally?

That's my entire weekend. I had plans" "A Vampire Dairies marathon is not plans." She looked at me like I lost my mind. "Have you even seen the Salvatore brothers? Holy mother of gingersnaps.

My plans often went awry. Much like my thoughts. Hold the phones. Maybe Saan had ADD, too. It would explain a lot.

Is it just me or does the fact that you live in the same building you were abducted into seem a bit morbid?" "Pffft. It’s just you," I said, discounting the entire bizarre ghoulish thing.

Does Uncle Bob have anything?" "I heard he has an STD." "I mean on the women." "Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs.

Okay, I'll strip. I'll tap dance. I'll sing 'La Cucaracha' in C minor.

I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly

I should’ve known the day was going to turn out bad when it started with my father trying to kill me

Who is Dr. A. von Holstein? And is he related, by chance, to a race of cows?

He said you sparkle like a newborn galaxy and have more attitude than a rich kid with his daddy's Porsche.

Man, that woman was quick when she wanted to be. But put her behind the wheel of a Buick.

Dude,” I said, leaning over the desk, “I’m about as psychic as a carrot.

I was white. Chalk had more color than I did. And quite possibly more personality.

Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper sticker

A split second later, my life flashed before my eyes, and I came to one important conclusion about it. It was fun while it lasted.

You do have a tendency to severe spinal cords." "Only for you.

I'm a virgin. But this is an old shirt. --T-SHIRT

While I was busy reminiscing about my first day on earth, I had forgotten that I was falling to my death. Damned ADD.

Charley: If you‘re not going to tell me where you are, if you‘re not going to trust me to help you, then why are you here? Why bother? Reyes: Because you‘re the reason I breathe.

Hey, boss. Where are you?” she asked. “I just picked up something to eat. What about professional belly dancers?” “Um, I don’t know, maybe with horseradish.

Dead people I could handle. They were usually beyond hysteria. This was the people-left behind part. The hard part.

She didn't smile back. Not even a little. I totally needed to read that book on how to win friends and influence people. But that would involve an innate desire to win friends and influence people.

You’re just using me for my body.” “You don’t have a body,” I’d remind him. “Throw that in my face.” “Technically, you don’t have a face either.

In Cookie's defense, it was raining wildcats and rabid dogs.

Ah, love. A dreadful bond! And yet, so easily severed.

I'm really a clean-cut kid.

Life is cruel. Why should the afterlife be any different? I offer you a choice. Join my crew...and postpone the judgment. One hundred years before the mast. Will ye serve?

You will not forestall my judgement!

And it really pisses Peter and Micky off when I get onto one of those tangents where I start to do humor.

I'm so reluctant to do newspaper interviews because it's so misleading how they interpret what you say.

Well, I have my immortal soul. At least, I'm pretty sure I didn't misplace it somewhere along the way.

As far as groupies, I never saw any of them.

My wife says when I go out to the refrigerator, I do three minutes (entertaining) when the light goes on!

You know I used to be a heartthrob, and now I'm a coronary.

Now, let's see how you fare against the Flying Dutchman and her vile captain, Davy Jones!

I don't need any more awards.

We'll get material in there and all of a sudden I'll switch the material around or the order of the show.

Trash? The only trash I see here are two little boys lost at sea and a pathetic excuse for a seaworthy vessel!

The thing is, the reader doesn't want to hear about bad times.

In the office, the mail that came in was always 10 to 1 for me.

I know a lot of people in the retirement village that I have a house in in Florida that are on the Internet and are reading the paper on the Internet, and they're communicating on the Internet.