Mark Twain Quotes

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.

Between us, we cover all knowledge; he knows all that can be known and I know the rest.

A woman springs a sudden reproach upon you which provokes a hot retort, and then she will presently ask you to apologize.

I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have so much of it.

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart-a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation.

India has two million gods, and worships them all. In religion all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire.

Life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages.

Go and surprise the whole country by doing something right.

Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul.

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.

Independence-is loyalty to one's best self and principles, and this is often disloyalty to the general idols and fetishes.

Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.

Supposing is good, but finding out is better.

Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.

Every man is a moon; he has a side no one sees.

To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.

Love heightens all senses - except the common.

In my nostrils still lives the breath of flowers that perished twenty years ago.

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful.

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

When everyone is looking for gold, it's a good time to be in the pick and shovel business.

Literature is well enough, as a time-passer, and for the improvement and general elevation and purification of mankind, but it has no practical value.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

Men and women -- even man and wife are foreigners. Each has reserves that the other cannot enter into, nor understand. These have the effect of frontiers.

There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.

We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles.

A little starvation can really do more for the average sick man than can the best medicines and the best doctors.

There are two things nobody should ever have to watch being made, sausage and laws.

The altar cloth of one aeon is the doormat of the next.

A railroad is like a lie you have to keep building it to make it stand.

It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.

If you want me to give you a two-hour presentation, I am ready today. If you want only a five-minute speech, it will take me two weeks to prepare.

There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends.

I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.

The banging and slamming and booming and crashing were something beyond belief. [On Lohengrin]

I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God's fool, and all His works must be contemplated with respect.

The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow.

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.

There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.

Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.

It is wiser to find out than to suppose.

The inability to forget is far more devastating than the inability to remember.

Frankness is a jewel; only the young can afford it.

Gratitude is a debt which usually goes on accumulating like blackmail; the more you pay, the more is exacted.

Indecency, vulgarity, obscenity - these are strictly confined to man; he invented them. Among the higher animals there is no trace of them. They hide nothing. They are not ashamed.