Mark Twain Quotes

Good fathers not only tell us how to live, they show us.

There are no wild animals until man makes them so.

I always did hate for anyone to know what my plans or hopes or prospects were—for, if I kept people in ignorance in these matters, no one could be disappointed but myself, if they were not realized.

Who would find out that I am a natural fool if I kept always cool and never let nature come to the surface? Nobody.

I am as prompt as a clock, if I only know the day a thing is wanted—otherwise I am a natural procrastinaturalist.

Low comedies are written for the drawing-room, the kitchen and the stable, and if you cut out the kitchen and the stable the drawing-room can't support the play by itself.

I never made a success of a lecture delivered in a church yet. People are afraid to laugh in a church. They can't be made to do it in any possible way.

It is a pity we can't escape from life when we are young.

when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity.

Brooklyn praise is half slander.

Pilgrim's Progress , about a man that left his family, it didn't say why. I read considerable in it now and then. The statements was interesting, but tough.

when you recollect something which belonged in an earlier chapter, do not go back, but jam it in where you are . Discursiveness does not hurt an autobiography in the least.

He [George Washington Cable] has taught me to abhor and detest the Sabbath day and hunt up new and troublesome ways to dishonor it.

it is not wise to keep the fire going under a slander unless you can get some large advantage out of keeping it alive. Few slanders can stand the wear of silence.

I am always reading immoral books on the sly, and then selfishly trying to prevent other people from having the same wicked good time.

As I slowly grow wise I briskly grow cautious.

There has never been a Protestant boy nor a Protestant girl whose mind the Bible has not soiled.

Talent without work is useless, thank God

The physician who knows only medicine, knows not even medicine.

When I want to read something nice, I sit down and write it myself.

The best and most telling speech is not the actual impromptu one but the counterfeit of it.

Learn from the mistakes of others - you won't live long enough to make them all yourself. He's opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer him the position.

The only people who should use the possessive 'we' are kings, newspaper editors, and persons with tapeworms.

Most of the things I worried about in life never happened.

There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you know ain't so'.

All I care to know about a man is that he is a human being... he can't be any worse.

I said nothing of the sort.

I was born lazy. I am no lazier now than I was forty years ago, but that is because I reached the limit forty years ago. You can't go beyond possibility.

What a curious kind of fool a girl is. Never been licked in school. What's a licking?

A sound heart is a surer guide than an ill-trained conscience.

It is better to be alone than unwelcome. - Eve

Let us draw the curtain of charity over the rest of this scene

How slow and still the time did drag along.

...majority Patriotism is the customary Patriotism.

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.

Sometimes people do get hurt

A person who has a cat by the tail knows a whole lot more about cats than someone who has just read about them.

In the South the war is what A.D. is elsewhere; they date from it.

But we are all insane, anyway. Note the mountain-climbers.

No one is sane, straight along, year in and year out, and we all know it. Our insanities are of varying sorts, and express themselves in varying forms-fortunately harmless forms as a rule.

My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess; second, don't drink - to excess; third, don't marry - to excess.

I was in one of the most grand attitudes I ever struck, with my arm stretched up pointing to the sun. It was a noble effect. You could see the shudder sweep the mass like a wave.

A journalist is a reporter out of a job.

Why should anybody want to save the human race, or damn it either? Does God want its society? Does Satan?

By common consent of all the nations and all the ages the most valuable thing in this world is the homage of men, whether deserved or undeserved.

Truth is such a precious article - let us all economize in its use.

There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others.

That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.

Never run after you own hat - others will be delighted to do it; why spoil their fun?

When some men discharge an obligation, you can hear the report for miles around.