Herb Caen Quotes

The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.

A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew.

Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything.

I hope I go to Heaven, and when I do, I'm going to do what every San Franciscan does when he gets there. He looks around and says, 'It ain't bad, but it ain't San Francisco.'

I sometimes worry about my short attention span, but not for long.

Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?

A city is not gauged by its length and width, but by the broadness of its vision and the height of its dreams.

San Franciscans have a bond of self-satisfaction bordering on smugness.

It is better to have loved and lost, but only if you have a good attorney.

There are a thousand viewpoints in the viewtiful city.

All American cars are basically Chevrolets.

San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

One day if I do go to heaven...I'll look around and say, 'It ain't bad, but it ain't San Francisco.

The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever.

Logic is no answer to passion.

Satire of satire tends to be self-canceling, and deliberate shock tactics soon lose their ability to shock, especially when they're too deliberate.

The clock doesn't matter in baseball. Time stands still or moves backwards. Theoretically, one game could go on forever. Some seem to.

I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there.

The clock doesn?t matter in baseball.

A city is a crazy concrete jungle whose people at the end of each day somehow make a small step ahead against terrible odds.

Baffling late-life discovery: Golfers wear those awful clothes on purpose.

The precise location of heaven on earth has never been established but it may very well be right here

Best trumpet: Mike Vax, an alumnus of the Kenton Band, who plays every style with a bright cutting edge, throwing in bop riffs here and there.

I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met.

Americans are pragmatic, relatively uncomplicated, hearty and given to broad humor.

You cover Q-tips with sandpaper and ram them up your nostrils as far as they will go. Then you sniff talcum powder while shredding hundred dollar bills.

New Yorkers are stuck in a gloomy mucilage of mutual commiseration.

When a place advertises itself as 'World Famous,' you may be sure it isn't.

Old San Francisco - the one so many nostalgics yearn for - had buildings that related well to each other.

We (San Francisco) have football weather during baseball season, and baseball weather during football season.

God! I loove this city!

We are reorganizing in order to eliminate duplication and redundancy.

The waterfront without the Ferry Tower would be like a birthday cake without a candle.

Philosophically, I don't like doing commercials.

A city is a state - of mind, of taste, of opportunity. A city is a marketplace - where ideas are traded, opinions clash and eternal conflict may produce eternal truths.