Calvin Trillin Quotes

I'm more disturbed when people expect me to be serious.

Canadians are very well behaved, they don't throw their food.

I don't cook. I don't know anything about food. I've never reviewed a restaurant.

I don't mind being interviewed on television or radio.

Do my ears deceive me, or can I actually hear the sounds of worms turning? You say a turning worm makes no sound? But how about a chorus of turning worms?

I don't think I've ever read a food piece or a food book.

With humor, it’s so subjective that trying to think of what the ideal reader would think would drive you crazy.

When it comes to rapacious 19th century capitalism, my family's hands are clean.

Being on a book tour is a lot easier than reporting.

There is no question that Rumanian-Jewish food is heavy. One meal is equal in heaviness, I would guess, to eight or nine years of steady mung-bean eating.

Money not spent on a luxury one considered even briefly is the equivalent of windfall income and should be spent accordingly.

Keeping off a large weight loss is a phenomenon about as common in American medicine as an impoverished dermatologist.

If Lincoln freed the slaves and preserved the Union, how come 'Lincolnesque' just means tall?

If bumblebee leavings and stump paste are so good for you, why can't any of those guys (in the health stores) grow full beards?

Anybody who doesn't think that the best hamburger place in teh world is in his home town is a sissy.

Once, in Lisbon, I tried my best to work the phone book in a way that would assuage a longing [Alice and I] had for certain Chinese dishes . . . .

It was a given in our family that my father was a grocer so that I wouldn't have to be.

Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.

I've always thought that parallel parking was my main talent.

With humor, it's so subjective that trying to think of what the ideal reader would think would drive you crazy.

If law school is so hard to get through how come there are so many lawyers?

Daddy, how come in Kansas City the bagels taste like just round bread?

School plays were invented partly to give parents and easy opportunity to demonstrate their priorities.

Someone who managed to navigate the tricky waters between living a life you could be proud of and still delighting in the many things there are to take pleasure in.