Al David Quotes

Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you're somewhat normal, it's exotic.

Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, "That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible."

I talk to my dad all the time, he's more like my buddy than my father, and he's not happy that I use him in my act. But I tell him, I have to get something out of this.

I never have kids in movies or in TV shows.

How do you lay low but still do your job? Try to stay out there without being out there like Jenny McCarthy?

With Saturday Night Live you're looking for any hook, any way to stay on the show.

Bill Murray I always liked. I'm not as good as him, but there's a quality in him that I like. And then there's DeNiro, I'll never be that.

It's good to do stand-up. It kind of wakes you up and makes you feel like you're doing something. You got the crowd right there. That's all fun.

I've had it where things didn't go well for me with movies or something that got canceled.

My school of thought is, anything goes, but I can't do that anymore.

I'm always making fun of myself and my friends.

To be famous and broke is hard.

Now that I have the opportunities to do a lot, I want to do less.

I only have one note, let's be honest. But I'll play a different version of that one note.

No one wants to know I set my alarm and get up 8, but I think it's too weird to sleep in too late.

Hopefully, underlying all my jokes is an element of surprise.

My career is just kind of crazy.

It's hard to have a career.

It wasn't a cutdown to call someone a Mexican. It would kill my career to refer to someone as Mexican today. It's like calling me an American.

A friend of Nicole Ritchie told the New York Post that Nicole is definitely pregnant.

Sometimes when I watch a TV season, your favorite shows die quickly. And then sometimes it's not your favorite, and they live on for 12 years.

I started doing the star turn and making a profit off it. Now I'm kind of one of them.

Single guys get a bad rap.

I changed my act because I wasn't getting booked.

I've been with a beautiful girl from time to time.

I'm scared of slipping up, of just doing a joke that makes me laugh.

As boys get older, they can't let on that it's cool to meet me.

I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.

I feel like I've got this anti-marriage thing, but it's less that and more I'm overthinking it to get it right.

I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom.

When I'm interviewed on Leno, just be funny, period. That's all they want from me. I don't want to tell my life story.

When my stepfather died, I just kind of fell apart. I felt pretty vulnerable, like there literally could be no tomorrow.

I have two skateboards, but I don't get to use them much. I have a snowboard, which I've never used.

On Sundays, I lay low, sulk a lot, and try to get my head together for next week.

I don't like throwing myself in a place that's going to rock my world.

My older brother was cool, so I was suddenly cool by association. And I totally dusted all my old math friends.

It's so crazy in Hollywood.

People come and go around you, but you're never the one getting the big stuff. I like that.

There are a couple hard things. One, getting a funny idea that people can relate to; a funny idea or a funny script; there's a million pitches.

The old must pass away. It has served its purpose in the cycles of evolution and must now make way for a new, more expanded and more fruitful manifestation.

Love sets our energy free. It opens us and puts us in a flow with spirit and life on many levels. Love is the true secret behind manifestation.

These are the times for which we were born.

The spirituality of the earth is an invitation to initiation, to the death of what we have been and the birth of something new

Any kind of religious tyranny concerns me.

Pardew has got previous for this kind of thing - but that was a one-off.

It may be that places exist in order that memory itself has a home.

No one can afford to look downward for his enjoyments.

No one is really miserable who has not tried to cheapen life.

Our country is now at war and the only way out is forward. I would not change one word I have spoken against war but that is no longer the issue. We must now stand together.

I am against any pact with the Nationalists because I am against pacts in principle.