When you're six years old, the word 'poo' is the funniest word on God's earth, but this insults my intelligence.

Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.

Having signed a few autographs in my time, I always wonder what the heck people do with them.

Ringo isn't the best drummer in the world. He isn't even the best drummer in the Beatles

They put up this bloke's picture on Crimewatch UK with a phone number and said 'Have you seen this man?' Well my auntie rang them up and said 'No'.

I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.

There is no way in my right mind I would contemplate running 26 miles-plus unless it involved a chase with Pamela Anderson.

I have a very happy marriage and friends who keep my feet on the ground. But looking for satisfaction in life is difficult. Maybe being happy is as simple as not being unhappy.

I have that working class fear of having nothing. I've always got one eye on what's in the bank.

Happiness to me is simply not being unhappy.

I have to confess here that I am a useless cook.

May your soul be sparked by the glorious light.

Lord, thank you for the courage to live life.

Our political problem now is, "Can we as a nation continue together permanently - forever - half slave and half free?"

In the act of deciding what to eliminate, you place value on what's left behind.

It is notorious that we speak no more than half-truths in our ordinary conversation, and even a soliloquy is likely to be affected by the apprehension that walls have ears.

Man is born broken. He lives by mending. The Grace of God is glue.

Those who have money think that the most important thing in the world is love. The poor know it is money.

In the '90s, people wore scrunchies, but it was very uncool in the punk scene.

If the wrong person preaches a right teaching, even a right teaching can become wrong. If a right person expounds a wrong teaching, even a wrong teaching can become right.

There is no perception among the American people, nor their elected representatives, that there is a serious problem that needs fixing.