When you need a haircut, it looks like you have no one to take care of you.

Anyone who gives you a cinnamon roll fresh out of the oven is a friend for life.

Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.

Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.

I didn't realize this was a sad occasion.

They didn't understand it, but like so many unfortunate events in life, just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby - awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.

Chestnuts in stuffing tastes like someone chewed up a tree branch and then French-kissed it into your mouth.

The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up.

Accidents happen all the time.

Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have.

Live full of accomplishments and die empty of your God-given potentials. Release your greatness now.

Faith can move mountains, Love can move man.

Nothing says hell has to be fire.

Just because they didn't know they were killing human beings doesn't mean they weren't killing human beings.

Every man is free to rise as far as he's able or willing but the degree to which he thinks determines the degree to which he'll rise.

Caffeine is like a really attractive girl that has nothing to say. You get all jacked up on it and then you're left feeling hollow and empty.

The Jews caused the war, the Jews caused the outbreak of thieving and robbery all over the country, the Jews caused the inefficiency of the navy

Experience has taught me that you have to improve all the time-little bit by little bit-and not keeping starting everything from new.

I can perform the life of the snail and be moving.

He who despises life is his life's master.