There's some sort of unspoken license... when outlandish things come out of an inanimate object, somehow it equals humor.

But the mechanics of learning to 'throw your voice' are pretty simple. Anyone with a tongue, an upper palate, teeth, and a normal speaking voice can learn ventriloquism.

When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show.

As humans we like to laugh at our fears, we like to whistle in the dark.

A comedian needs to have his own filters, needs to know his audience, how far he can push things.

I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see a really bad juggler who's really funny.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Everybody has their favorite character.That's the only way I pick, whatever is going on in society, whatever I think folks will laugh at that's what I come up with.

I started in a business background, but then it was like, 'you know, I can't do math,' so I changed it to a liberal arts degree and got my Bachelor of Arts in Communications and it made sense.

I've got an answer to where Osama bin Laden is and I know, he's dead and living in my suitcase with my dummies.'

I used to pick Priuses out of the grill of my Hummer.

The darkest clouds precipitate the most rain.

Do not allow to slip away from you freedoms the people who came before you won with such hard knocks.

Telly and films has been my thing, not necessarily by choice, and if the right piece of theatre came along, I would jump at it.

Every great man has a woman behind him ... And every great woman has some man or other in front of her, tripping her up.

A part of me will always be unflyable, stuck in the climb.

I've lived, laughed, lost, and loved again the whole Shakespearian thing.

In addition the bill would expand an existing law "conscience clause" that protects physician training programs that refuse to provide training for abortion procedures.

You can't lose with the Stuff I use!

Wherever that man went, he went gratefully.

When I was younger, I never wanted to rehearse because I thought that someone would figure out I don't know what I'm doing.