The prevailin' weakness of most public men is to Slop Over!.... G. Washington never slopt over.

I am not a politician, and my other habits are good, also.

Trouble will come soon enough, and when he does come receive him as pleasantly as possible. The more amiably you greet him, the sooner he will go away.

The Puritans nobly fled from a land of despotism to a land of freedim, where they could not only enjoy their own religion, but could prevent everybody else from enjoyin his.

Let's have the Union restored as it was, if we can; but if we can't, I'm in favor of the Union as it wasn't.

It is true, that all married men have their own way, but the trouble is they don't all have their own way of having it.

I prefer temperance hotels - although they sell worse kinds of liquor than any other kind of hotels.

We wish genius and morality where affectionate companions, but it is a fact that they are often bitter enemies. They don't necessarily coalesce any more than oil and water do.

I can't sing. As a singist I am not a success. I am saddest when I sing. So are those who hear me. They are sadder even than I am.

A writer who can't write in a grammerly manner better shut up shop.

One of the principal features of my entertainment is that it contains so many things that don't have anything to do with it.

I keep people alive every day, and right now, the person I’m trying to keep alive is you. Will you let me?

That's how most things are, " Gus replied sagely. "The theory is clean and polished, but the execution is usually an ugly, complicated mess.

Success is counted sweetest By those who ne'er succeed.

I'm not like the Brexiteers. I don't deny that we have to permit immigration and the right of establishment for capital and services.

Men are always thinking that they are going to do something grandly wicked to their enemies; but when it comes to the point, really bad men are just as rare as really good ones.

We often say that the earth is a sphere, but to be precise, the term sphere refers only to the surface. The correct mathematical term for the solid earth is a ball.

I think film likes me better than the theatre does for some reason.

The profuse phallic symbolism of chess provides some fantasy gratification of the homosexual wish, particularly the desire for mutual masturbation.

Prayer is the way to experience a powerful confidence that God is handling our lives well.

True wisdom comes from the overcoming of suffering and sin. All true wisdom is therefore touched with sadness.