The more pride we have, the more other people’s pride irritates us

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.

Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

There's no such thing as being too Southern.

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.

It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

-I got the conch!" --Piggy (in Lord of the Flies), attempting Democracy

I try to be feminist in, like, I love myself and I don't need someone else's approval.

May God never abandon me.

Dont take Portlandia too personally - Its just a stupid TV show

We live in the worst country in the world. At least we do for lazy, inefficient, office-bound police, whose response to an extraordinary rise in violent crime is to order more speed cameras.

If freedom were not so economically efficient it certainly wouldn't stand a chance.

The link between my brain and my mouth is just not there anymore.

All of my stories are 95 percent truthful.

Relax Beatrice, I've driven a car before.' MARCUS 'I've done a lot of things before, but that doesn't mean I'm any good at them!' TRIS

The cruel of heart have their own black happiness.