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Lewis Grizzard Quotes

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Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato."

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.




Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "There's no such thing as being too Southern."

There's no such thing as being too Southern.




Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity."

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing."

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.




Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month."

It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'"

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house."

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.




Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes."

Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards."

The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married."

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "God bless Merle Haggard. He did all the things that Johnny Cash was supposed to have done."

God bless Merle Haggard. He did all the things that Johnny Cash was supposed to have done.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower."

I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.




Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "Money doesn't grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard."

Money doesn't grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi"

If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out."

I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground."

If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "Today's sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, "Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?""

Today's sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, "Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?"



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them."

I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?"

When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago."

There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "Mama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life's work."

Mama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life's work.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good for myself."

Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good for myself.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing."

On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease."

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "If Love Were Oil, / I'd Be About a Quart Low."

If Love Were Oil, / I'd Be About a Quart Low.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat."

They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married."

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "Spring time is the land awakening."

Spring time is the land awakening.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes."

If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.



Lewis Grizzard Quotes: "Let's all start walking more and driving less."

Let's all start walking more and driving less.