The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

Sometimes to return is a vulgarity.

No beast so fierce but knows some touch of pity. But I know none, and therefore am no beast.

European lotteries are the tax on fools.

I get nostalgic about having lived in Ames, Iowa, even though being a vegetarian in Iowa is not fun.

I must say the more interesting songs to me were the black ones because they were more simple.

Isn't it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive-it's such an interesting world.

Wars usually have the effect of speeding up the process of history.

Iron is the final peal of a star’s natural life.

My behavior is a product of my own conscious choices based on principles, rather than a product of my conditions, based on feelings.

So much of rock lyrics is just a mirror of real feeling. It doesn't feel dangerous to me. They just feel like "rock lyrics."