Surely being a Professional Beauty - let alone an ageing one - is one of the most insecure and doomed careers imaginable.

Amsterdam has more than 150 canals and 1,250 bridges, but it never seems crowded, nor bent and bitter from fleecing the tourist.

It has been said that a pretty face is a passport. But it's not, it's a visa, and it runs out fast.

What sort of sap doesn't know by now that picture-perfect beauty is all done with smoke and mirrors anyway?

Families, generally, suck. And I say that as someone who, like my husband, had parents who proved the proverbial exception to the rule.

The freedom that women were supposed to have found in the Sixties largely boiled down to easy contraception and abortion; things to make life easier for men, in fact.

Here in Barcelona, it's the architects who built the buildings that made the city iconic who are the objects of admiration - not a bunch of half-witted monarchs.

The latest twist on the pampering concept is spa parties, where a group of friends take over an entire spa.

Gluttony and idleness are two of life's great joys, but they are not honourable.

My second husband believed I had such a fickle attitude to friendship that each Friday he would update the list of my 'Top Ten' friends in the manner of a Top Of The Pops chart countdown.

Make no mistake, most women are well aware that they've never had it so good; when they enter a spa or salon, it is purely a hair/nails thing, a prelude to an evening of guilt-free fun.

I don't believe in ONE holy book. I believe all books are holy. Of course, some books are holy shit.

Everyone thinks that they are intelligent even though there is no sign of intelligence.

Absence from whom we love is worse than death, and frustrates hope severer than despair.

Sometimes, the word 'voluntary' is a little complicated.

Nobody can make you a loser.

Does one eat peanuts at a ball game?' 'It ain't hardly legal if you don't.

I'd never touch anything. I think it's foolhardy to play around with the face that you've been given. To have a little snip or a tuck, I think, is really quite obscene.

Your nearness is the nearness of planets. I am the void between you. If I withdraw there will be no void for you to swim in.

I'm much more interested in Mike Tyson than I am in Morrissey.

A person's worth in this world is estimated according to the value he puts on himself.