Sober strip clubs are horrible. When you are sober you see the matrix code behind a strip club. You're paying girls to pretend to like you until you run out of money so they can walk away.

We're not in an information age anymore. We're in the information management age.

Nerds get caught up in minutiae, because there is a tremendous and fulfilling sense of control in understanding every single detail of a thing more than any other living creature.

Bowling is all physics and energy distribution. It's F = ma. So it is actually one of the most science-y sports, because it literally is just a ball and a surface and objects to knock down.

When you hang around a lot of comedians long enough, you realize there's a certain gene, in every comedian. It's why we get hyper-analytical about things.

I do seem like the kind of guy who'd be obsessive about Rubik's Cubes.

No matter what tricks you use or what decisions you make, go easy on yourself as someone who's on a never-ending quest for improvement.

Steal moments of happiness if you have to, and then collect them until they are the dominant images in your psyche.

I almost think of nerd brains as rattlesnake venom; like, you can milk it. You can milk the pulpy venom out of the nerd brain and use it for good if you want to.

Humans cannot produce viable offspring with our closest animal cousin: the chimpanzee. We cannot impregnate a chimp. So you know what that means? No condoms.

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult.

Earth's crammed with heaven, And every common bush afire with God.

Work hard to fulfill your dreams.

[T]here is something to recommend a story that ends.

The descent to hell is easy and those who begin by worshipping power, soon worship evil.

Photographs are the most curious indicators of reality.

Theatre is poetry that rises from the book and becomes human enough to talk and shout, weep and despair

In Ethiopia, the black people became Christians 1700 years ago, hundreds of years before Northern Europe turned to Christianity... And here, most of the saints are black.

Looks like you're on a roll. This is the second car you've toasted this week." Carl Costanza - Hot Six

Receive wealth or prosperity without arrogance; and be ready to let it go.

But those who seek only reassurance from life will never be more than tourists—seeing everything and trying to possess what can only be felt. Beauty is the shadow of imperfection.