Scientists have found a way to keep middle-aged female mice from going through menopause. Now they're working on a way to keep middle-aged male mice from buying expensive sports cars.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

You're a kid, ' said Alexandra. 'There is no just about it. Only adults say just a kid and what the heck do they know about anything? Have you looked at their world lately?

Your brain commands your body to "Run forward! Bend! Scoop up the ball! Peg it to the infield!" Then your body says "Who me?"

If the government is going to mandate levels and punish schools for failing, they should send that money to the school system.

I was an only child; I didn't have a sister, or sisters.

And then, looking back at my first Olympics, and when the pressure was on, in '94 and '98, and looking back and going, wow. I sensed and felt what Brian had gone through.

More people should apologize, and more people should accept apologies when sincerely made.

Prayer is a confession of one's own unworthiness and weakness.

Cleveland, city of light! City of magic!

Rely not on the likelihood of the enemy's not coming, but on our own readiness to receive him

Think neither fear nor courage saves us. Unnatural vices are fathered by our heroism. Virtues are forced upon us by our impudent crimes. These tears are shaken from the wrath-bearing tree.