Right now I've got just two rules to live by. Rule one: don't taunt elephants. Rule two: don't stand next to anybody who taunts elephants. -Sergeant Schlock

If violence wasn't your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.

Maxim 3: An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Where's your sense of adventure? It died under mysterious circumstances. My sense of self-preservation found the body, but assures me it has an airtight alibi. -Captain Tagon & Captain Andreyasn

The spirit of the law is the least of the things we're prepared to violate.

The size of the promised paycheck is inversely proportional to the likelihood of surviving to collect it.

Maxim 20: If you’re not willing to shell your own position, you’re not willing to win. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

When the messenger arrives and says 'Don't shoot the messenger,' it's a good idea to be prepared to shoot the messenger, just in case.

Spy' is such a short ugly word. I prefer 'espionage.' Those extra three syllables really say something.

Judging by the sounds of general panic, I want a gun like that.

As long as we only have to lie to the enemy, it's honest enough for me. -Captain Tagon

Success is best when it is shared.

If I let them take away my demons, I'll have to give up what I've found.

I do not believe that the government should have its long nose poked into the private consensual relationships between people.

I know some people like to follow the tradition, and that's who they are. That's not me.

The theater is a place that doesn't always but can reward hard work and tenacity, unlike television.

Iraqi commandos landed at George W. Bush's compound, assassinated him, and dumped his body in the Atlantic.

But foremost, I do not subscribe to the view that Islamic culture and democracy cannot be reconciled.

Whenever I pick up a book I think, "Tell me something I don't know."

I am eating more. I think you do eat more when you're working out. And you want to eat healthily, so it's good all round.