Remember: Greed is a bad color on a person.

I shot me a nice deer, and I hung it on the den wall in my house. My neighbor comes over and he says, Did you shoot that thing? I said, Nope. He ran through the wall and got stuck. Here's your sign.

There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing someone for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper.

I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say 'I'm Stupid.' That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing.

I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.

That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men

Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't want to be jackass. You just pushed my jackass button.

How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?

In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.

Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him, and I said, "Hey... We don't hit". He looked at me like, "Here's your sign, Dad".

Can someone explain to me why pilots feel they need to wake everyone to tell us that we are flying by a cloud that looks like a monkey.

Almost all the times advices from your loved ones are for your safety, not for your success.

Mind is like an archaeologist, it can only dissect and research dead things, events on how, when, where & why. It can never be on the NOW. Only BEING is capable to be in the NOW and EXPERIENCE!

Freedom of the press is not questioned when investigative journalism unearths scandals, But that does not mean that every classified state document should be made available to journalists.

There's no buying a greasy breakfast in L.A. - it's all organic juices.

Honesty is the foundation for trust; you can't have one without the other.

Guitar Hero has been so successful that a lot of people were questioning how it was possible to innovate on the most successful franchise of its kind.

I know some people are offended by the fact that I'm spending a lot of money trying to win the America's Cup. I could have given all that money to charity.

We can hear the silent voice of the spiritual universe within our own hearts.

You are who you are, whether you like it or not, so why not like it?

I don't like to show my emotions at the board, not because they might give something away to an opponent, but because that's my style: I like to keep it to myself.