Personally, I never admired communists because they operate on the theory that human beings are nice people.

On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists.

Never buy anything with a handle on it. It means work.

We believe in healthy, hearty laughter -- at the expense of the whole human race, if needs be. Needs be.

Put it back in the horse!

There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

Cats are people, and the sooner the world accepts that fact, the better off the world will be.

In the cause of expedience and the quest for information, man has always been willing to trump his laws and betray his beliefs to legitimize the torture of those who do not share them.

The world knows nothing of you. That is my gift to you. You are no one.

When we have reached the depths of despair, only then can we look up and see the light of hope.

That’s pretty much how we get through our own lives, watching television. Smoking crap. Self-medicating. Redirecting our attention. Jacking off. Denial.

I have seldom known a person who deserted the truth in trifles and then could be trusted in matters of importance.

You don’t return people’s smiles—it’s perfectly clear to you that people can smile and smile and still be villains.

Lord, give us a ministry where the sun will never set.

I'm a reasonable guy, but I've just experienced some very unreasonable things.

The amount of money one needs is terrifying.

Develop the business around the people; build it, don't buy it; and, then, be the best.

Let us carve gems out of our stony hearts and let them light our path to love.

Fashion is, perhaps by necessity, in a world of its own - one that only rarely overlaps with anything resembling real life. This fantasy and exoticism is part of its appeal, of course.