Never speak ill of yourself, your friends will always say enough on that subject.

Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.

Espresso is to Italy, what champagne is to France.

A woman will sometimes forgive the man who tries to seduce her, but never the man who misses an opportunity when offered.

Society is divided into two classes: the shearers and the shorn. We should always be with the former against the latter.

What clever man has ever needed to commit a crime? Crime is the last resort of political half-wits.

Since the masses are always eager to believe something, for their benefit nothing is so easy to arrange as facts.

I found there a country with thirty-two religions and only one sauce.

The art of putting the right men in the right places is first in the science of government; but that of finding places for the discontented is the most difficult.

Only a man who has loved a woman of genius can appreciate what happiness there is in loving a fool.

God gave humans language so they could conceal their thoughts from one another.

All the cunning of the devil is exercised in trying to tear us away from the word.

Sometimes he was weird, sometimes he was Captain Douchebag, but he was always my best friend.

I made it to the childbearing phase without TV dependence, then looked around and thought, Well gee, why start now? Why get a pet python on the day you decide to raise fuzzy little gerbils?

A lot of people think I'm snotty. So what? They never asked me out when I was serving cheeseburgers.

In dating, if you say no, your lover goes on to the next person. In marriage, if you say no, the person stays.

I try stuff. I synthesize what's of value with some of the other things I have at my disposal.

At the risk of sounding hopelessly romantic, love is the key element. I really love to play with different musicians who come from different cultural backgrounds.

The thing about Paris, it's a great city for wandering around and buying shoes and nursing a cafe au lait for hours on end and pretending you're Baudelaire. But it's not a city where you can work.

[Beauty is] that which makes us despair.

When you can think of yesterday without regret and tomorrow without fear, then you are on the way to success.