Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

I know that the theory of evolution is true

What we call consciousness is our ability to perceive stimuli and to file it within the parameters of our personal story.

Heartbreak is stupid and impossible. Hearts don't break. Hearts squeeze, they wrench, they ache, they shrivel. Hearts pull apart in wet chunks like canned tomatoes.

Whenever there is a conflict between human rights and property rights, human rights must prevail.

My father was a writer, so I grew up writing and reading and I was really encouraged by him.

We do a lot of shows for young people who have probably never been to the theater before and they are learning about the Holocaust, which unhappily, many of them do not know about.

Actually men are closer to having the ability to act egoistic when it comes to a crisis situation.

Most important... develop your technical ability. You are handicapped if you do not develop well enough to hold the subconscious process so as not to have problems of inexperienced painters.

I've done about six comedies. Oddly enough, the script came to me from one of the guys in Platoon

Make me wanna kill myself, but I see death around the corner.