Just because I didn't do what you told me, doesn't mean I wasn't listening to you!

Flattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy it but don't swallow it.

Meow is like aloha - it can mean anything.

No more turkey, but I'd like some more of the bread it ate.

You don't go home and talk about the great tennis courts that you played, but you do talk about the golf courses you played.

Anyone in the humor business isn't thinking clearly if he doesn't surround himself with idea people. Otherwise, you settle for mediocrity - or you burn yourself out.

Dennis to friend: No use crying, Joey. There aren't any grownups around.

Just because a person claims to be a Christian does not necessarily mean that he is one.

I don't expect forgiveness.I only expect acceptance.

The best gift you can give to someone is spending time with them. The worst thing you can do someone is to avoid them when they badly need you.

I've always had a slightly overactive imagination.

My rhyming skills got you climbing hills, I'll travel through your mind into your spine like siren drills.

Prosperity discovers vice, adversity discovers virtue.

What good is a beautiful dame with a Rolls-Royce frame, and a Volkswagen brain?

I've always found ideas everywhere, but my favorite place is Nordstrom, because of their liberal return policies for those ideas that don't work out.

I have developed a Samoan mentality. You have to be a gentleman everywhere but on the field.