It's because you alienate half the room talking about sports. Half the crowd will be against you no matter what you say.

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.

There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.

With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?

When you go to Hawaii, it's all about "Aloha." It means hello, goodbye and I love you.

You live by the cake, you die by the cake.

I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.

God, how impossible life is without money. Nothing can ever overcome it, it's everything when it's anything. How can I write in peace with endless worries of money, money, money? (“Disappearing Act”)

Romney and Ryan would do a much better job running the country, and that's what everybody needs to know.

I think it really holds you back having to think about your image.

Although for some people cinema means something superficial and glamorous, it is something else. I think it is the mirror of the world.

If the waitress comes, order me a coffee and something that involves bacon.

Any time someone says you have an opportunity to work with Martin Scorsese you jump at the chance.

The human heart is the only thing in this world that weighs more when it is broken

If you are born black, it is better to be born now than in any other time in United States history. My grandson is black. His life is a different life than if he had been born when I was born.

If you love her", I said, "you'll love somebody else someday.

Then we heard the rumours: that the last scientists were working on a cure that would end the plague and restore the world. Restore it? Why? I like the death! I like the misery! I like this world!