I've never gambled a dime. Never, in all my years in Vegas.

Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black.

I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.

Some people say funny things - but I say things funny.

[A] competent magician should have the ability to stand still at a bus stop with closed eyes and have the entire universe disappear apart from a single blazing visualised sigil or muttered spell.

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.

If I had done everything I was supposed to, I'd be leading the league in homers, have the highest batting average, have given $100,000 to the Cancer Fund and be married to Marie Osmond.

When you direct a movie, you're basically looking at a story, the way you want to look at it. You bring that director's vision, and I'm totally open for that.

The Heart asks Pleasure--first-- And then--Excuse from Pain

The warrior's nobility is like a prostitute's smile, the truth of which is self-interest.

I don't think anyone can speculate what will happen with respect to oil prices and gas prices because they are set on the global economy.

If you have a talented family, you should be shot if you don't use them.

Ninety-nine percent of everything you do in life is attitude. If you have a relationship with God...you're going to learn to ask the one question in life that covers everything: How can I help you?

All the world over, I will back the masses against the classes.