I’ve always known that there’s more going on inside me than finds its way into the world, but this is probably true of everyone. Who doesn’t regret that he isn’t more fully understood?

At the risk of appearing disingenuous, I don't really think of myself as 'writing humor.' I'm simply reporting on the world I observe, which is frequently hilarious.

And there comes a time in your life when you realize that if you don't take the opportunity to be happy, you may never get another chance again.

People sometimes get in the habit of being loyal to a mistake.

You use simple brushstrokes in a screenplay for things over which you would take much greater pains in a novel.

Have you ever noticed that when people use the expression 'I have to say', what follows usually needn't be said?

What if all everybody needed in the world was to be sure of one friend? What if you were the one, and you refused to say those simple words?

My books are elegiac in the sense that they're odes to a nation that even I sometimes think may not exist anymore except in my memory and my imagination.

Worse, I have to admit to feeling the jealousy of one crab for another that has managed to climb out of the barrel.

Bookstores, like libraries, are the physical manifestation of the wide world's longest, most thrilling conversation.

I was the one who did come through that door. You were the one she was waiting for.

As soon as Todd drove off the motorway it vanished from the mirror, and so did the sun across the moor.

I'm most dangerous when bored." ~Drahomira, vampire

Life is too short to spend hoping that the perfectly arched eyebrow or hottest new lip shade will mask an ugly heart.

Mitt Romney understands the private sector, he understands how profit is created, and he isn't embarrassed by it.

Wake up in the morning with a specific goal to look forward to.

Discipline yourself, so no one else has to.

Beyond the town, darker than dark, King Haggard's castle teetered like a lunatic on stilts.

It is almost impossible to say the name of Thai prime minister Yingluck Shinawat without adding 'give a dog a bone'

I was never meant to sit at home.

It is our character that supports the promise of our future - far more than particular government programs or policies.