I think the hardest thing to do in the world, show-business-wise, is write comedy.

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.

When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go.

Before you go to bed, write down three 'gratefuls' for the day and three 'did wells' (they can even include something as simple as doing the laundry)-the results can be amazing!

It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington.

You have to have faith that there is a reason you go through certain things. I can't say I'm glad to go through pain, but in a way one must, in order to gain courage and really feel joy.

If someone tells you that you cannot do something and you believe it, they are right.

It's also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I've been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That's why we're here, after all, to help others.

It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers.

No one ever said life was fair. Just Eventful.

Comedy is tragedy plus time.

To not be photographed daily, even by oneself, to not be recorded and videoed and dispersed into the turbulent winds of the net, was to court nonexistence.

Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal.

Fashion is self confident and fearless.

Requirements in mathematical language are no use unless they are easier to read than the code.

Zen is not about eliminating thoughts but illuminating them.

He's worked his entire life and he's never lived a single moment, I mean not a moment, in the real world.

Almost every other Western in the last ten years has failed, since Dances with Wolves.

If my words don't flow out of a heart that rests in God's control, sovereignty, then they come out of the heart that seeks control so I can get what I want.

Many have been led astray by the Qur'an: by clinging to that rope many have fallen into the well. There is no fault in the rope, O perverse man, for it was you who had no desire to reach the top.

Now, good digestion wait on appetite, and health on both!