I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with.

If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe.

The people I know that have the hardest time keeping it together emotionally are people that don't workout.

The time you spend hating on someone robs you of your own time. You are literally hating on yourself and you don't even realize it.

One of the most fascinating lessons I've absorbed about life is that the struggle is good.

Build confidence and momentum with each good decision you make from here on out and choose to be inspired.

The key to happiness doesn't lay in numbers in a bank account but in the way we make others feel.

You're just part of the soup of the universe, so just try to enjoy what's good about it.

Greatness and madness are next door neighbours; and they borrow each other's sugar. You don't get there without the other.

This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem, and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem.

There's a direct correlation between positive energy and positive results.

And I think they knew. Not anything specific really. They just knew. And I think that's all you can ever ask from a friend.

We praise a man who feels angry on the right grounds and against the right persons and also in the right manner at the right moment and for the right length of time.

I think cable has been under-appreciated for its contribution to society.

The war had made a man of him! It had coarsened him and hardened him. There was no other way to look at it. It had made him reach a point at which he would no longer stand unbearable things.

If the United States is treating Afghanistan as a sovereign country it has to prove it.

I write songs about fat girls and about men who run off to Mexico.

When you raise taxes on small business, from 35% to 40%, you will kill jobs.

Your business will only get as big as the shadow of your character.

You simply cannot tell other people they are stupid, even if they really are stupid.

As a kid I read Jules Verne, H. G. Wells, and a few others. As an adult have admired Leonardo da Vinci's drawings and notebooks.