I read one chapter of a book and put it down. Thank God for Kindle.

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

Flaming enthusiasm, backed by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success.

Relationships tend to be flawed because they are made up of inherently flawed components, mere human beings.

The true follower of Christ will not ask, "If I embrace this truth, what will it cost me?" Rather he will say, "This is truth. God help me to walk in it, let come what may!"

To John Cena after the fans kept throwing his shirt back in the ring : They didn't throw my shirt back.

I turned 24 in the middle of my first World Cup and it was quite an unbelievable experience. It's really hard for words to do it justice.

Astronomy is not the apex of science or of invention. But it is a test of the cast of temperament and mind that underlies a culture.

The economic function of space industrialization is to generate jobs on Earth, not in space.

I hate taking myself seriously. It drives me crazy!

After hard work, the biggest determinant is being in the right place at the right time.

Now I felt like I was drifting, sucked down by an undertow, and too far out to swim back to the shore.