I never wanted the ha-ha-ha laughter [at my shows]. I always aimed for the gut. I always aimed for the pretty girls in the front row, laughing and leaning over and pooting.

Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.

My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality.

And when I was angry, when I was younger, I was in a cocoon. Now I'm a beautiful, black butterfly.

Bad news travels at the speed of light; good news travels like molasses.

I have snakes, three sharks, moray eels, piranhas, five scorpions and a bird spider. All of them are predators. They are dangerous but it's cool to have strong and powerful pets.

I see knowledge of self. I know who I am. When I look in the mirror, I see me.

Don't follow in my footsteps. Be original, and create your own path. Be a trailblazer! Do you! Be better than me. Do you! Be happy and have joy in your life.

I love my mother. My mother made sure, her stubbornness - she made sure we was going to eat. She made sure we had Christmases. That was my mother. My father wasn't there for that.

My father said: "If you want to catch your girl cheating, you knock on the front door and run to the back, because he's coming out the back."

I love this cornbread so much, I wanna take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant.

Life is transient and ephemeral so dance in your own way.

God gives us His strength by giving us His vision of things. Our seeing people as innocent is the only way to achieve God’s peace.

I play a lot of sports. I'm not real good at any of them. I'm above adequate.

Turn around, Piglet. Step lightly, Pooh. This silly ol' dance is perfect for two.

As soon as you start asking what education is for, what the use of it is, you're abandoning the basic assumption of any true culture, that education is worth while for its own sake.

Most of what I do is for creative people - writers and painters and photographers - trying to work through creative problems.

I've seen the people who talk about their love lives in print invariably have doomed relationships with the person they're talking about.

I always knew I had this voice, but it wasn't until I was in my 20s that I realized I had the power to do something with it.

...secretly I lament the hundreds [of fish] we never caught because we forever persisted in fishing only the likliest holding water.

There are a few YouTube clips of me singing at The King's Head in Santa Monica, so you can see how bad I am.