I mean, yeah, I want to lose some weight! I'm doing the best I can.

I always like to find those little mom-and-pop sandwich places, or diners. Those are my favorite kind of places.

I like those older theaters - the acoustics are perfect, I mean, you just have that feel of there's been a thousand shows in there and now you get to be one.

I chewed up a lot of Florida highway when I was starting out. Used to come to Tampa two or three times a year for about 10 years straight.

As a comic, I've heard gunshots while I'm trying to get to sleep. I've performed where people wanted to do you harm after the show because of something you said.

Sometimes WRONG is worth the FUNNY!

Stand-up will always come first. I've been doing it for 22 years, and nothing compares to that connection you have with the audience. It's euphoric.

I'm from Minnesota! I used to work Knuckleheads at the Mall of America as a stand-up. I spent New Year's there once. I'm not trying to namedrop.

I am not a genius but I approach every situation with love.

Are we all just lightning rods for other people's destinies? Is that what it's all about

If I knocked and waited at every door, who knows what I might miss?

Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects.

I flutter all ways, and fly in none.

The recent years of the Grant Study have shown that our lives when we are old are the sum of all of our loves.

We have a name for those who try to praise when they have no pleasure in the object. We call them hypocrites.

There's often a natural inclination to want more.

Those who set out to serve both God and Mammon soon discover that there isn't a God.

Getting to play superheroes is a pretty good job.