I'm really happy that I was raised Catholic because it's given me years of material.

A friend of mine said, no matter what I do I always look like an English teacher. She actually said, you still look like a Campbell's Soup kid.

Moms Mabley said you have to say good things about the dead. I say, 'He's dead. Good.'

When women go off together we call it separatism. When men go off together we call it Congress.

I consider a CD or a comedy collection as a record of what I've been doing, and I try to wrap it up and start new material.

The Administration's policy on women is often hard to see because it is written in the font size of pharmaceutical ads.

Whenever a woman describes herself as a 'post-feminist' I picture women lashed to posts. Joan of Arc was an early post-feminist.

Teaching is performance art.

[On cloning sheep:] Oh great, just what we need - more sheep.

My style has been pretty much like a newspaper. It's got politics in it, it's got media, sports, family relations, you know, all the sections you would expect, and wonderful religion things.

So few people voted in the elections [of 1996] that the ones who did were called activists.

Waiting for God to give you want He has ALREADY decided for you and waiting for someone to decide on you--is NOT the same.

At a certain point, memory begins to be a burden.

It is fatal to enter an war without the will to win it.

It's not that often that you get to have a large commercial success and then have something that you want to do that you can excite people about.

We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to move forward.

Some of our weaknesses are born in us, others are the result of education; it is a question which of the two gives us most trouble.

It made you feel very small, very lost, and yet it was not altogether depressing, that feeling. After all, if you were small, the grimy beetle crawled on - which was just what you wanted it to do.

I know that I cannot be with a person for three hours without saying at least ten things that would kill me.

The coat that hangs in your closet belongs to the poor.

You can be a patriotic American and be a critic, but then you're not expressing that kind of love that we're used to from a president.