I have a new joke today. Martha Stewart's on suicide watch. They had to unplug all of her ovens.

Carrot Top... I gave him advice once and he ran with it. He should thank me.

Red Skelton... I broke into tears when I met him.

I went to Sirius Satellite Radio and did my show, Rapping With Rip.

Marty Richards is an angel on Earth. A producer that does what he says he'll do. He helped me greatly.

Because someone stole Gregory Peck's star on Hollywood Blvd., I have hired a Brink's guard to protect my star!

I was supposed to be on the Tonight Show but I broke my shoulder instead.

The change of the word does not alter the matter

I caught him by the collar and dumped him into the nearest bin."That's where people like YOU belong!" I spat at him as his legs wiggled in the air. "In the garbage!" - Chapter 2: Miserable Torture

Music enriches people's lives in the same way paintings and literature do. Everybody deserves that.

stupidity has a knack of getting its way; as we should see if we were not always so much wrapped up in ourselves

You do not write a novel for praise, or thinking of your audience. You write for yourself; you work out between you and your pen the things that intrigue you

When I was filming 'The Haunting Hour', my co-stars Emily Osment, Brittany Curran and I paid a visit to a haunted house - all dressed up as vampires! We really confused the workers.

This demand follows from an insight that I was the first to articulate: that there are no moral facts.

Conventions which camouflage a man's true feelings are a spiritual lie which help him adapt himself to the organized deviations of society.

Those who warned that Gorbachev was being put under too much pressure were wrong.

There is something more severe than the problem with Thomas Friedman, which can be generalized to represent someone causing action while being completely unaccountable for his words.