I had an amazing experience in Cuba. People there are fantastic. But I do have to say it's very nice to be back home in front of all of you capitalist pigs.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

The point of modernity is to live a life without illusions while not becoming disillusioned

Life is a journey, not so much to a destination, but a transformation.

A belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses it is an idea that possesses the mind.

The pleasures of the imagination are as it were only drawings and models which are played with by poor people who cannot afford the real thing.

I do not want to give any orders to the airmen, but get hold of a Komsomol air unit, and say I want volunteers for the job.

I'd like to have stayed in the Scouts beyond the age of 12.

I have looked back on situations and thought that I could have handled a few differently and probably better.

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

This all-pervading divine power of love is the ocean of knowledge, is the ocean of bliss and compassion, but above all it is the ocean of forgiveness.

The Central Bank is an institution of the most deadly hostility existing against the principles and form of our Constitution.