I had a gun and I had to run and shoot, which is not easy.

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

If you don't think it.You'll never do it!

The heart is the window to the soul, the portal through which we can understand the desires of the spirit.

Where are the eyes of my childhood, those fearful eyes she had thirty years ago, the eyes that made me?

Perhaps Zeus was king, but I was Spartan, a princess twice over, and queen of Athens besides. I knew my duty. And I would rule my own fate.

I don't fear death because I don't fear anything I don't understand. When I start to think about it, I order a massage and it goes away.

Puddleglum's my name. But it doesn't matter if you forget it. I can always tell you again.

...governments, including free and democratic governments, are not really friendly to freedom and democracy. They abhor any rule of law that limits their powers and penchant for social engineering.

If you take the same child and put them in two different places, it will dramatically shape the way in which their economic outcomes are realized later in life.

Not to our surprise, we discover that gun crime in Britain is up 10.9 percent since the disarmament of the private citizen.

I've had a lot of luck. If I didn't I'd be washing bottles in Russia.