I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.

The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at.

There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows.

All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints.

Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you.

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.

Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.

A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit.

Without us, Earth will abide and endure; without her, however, we could not even be.

- But we can't help falling in love. - We can't help defecating either. But we can choose where and when we are going to do it.

Rawhide Down is full of spectacular, original reporting.

Nothing wastes more energy than worrying. The longer one carries a problem, the heavier it becomes. Don't take life too seriously. Live a life full of serenity, not of regrets.

Life's meaning has always eluded me and I guess always will. But I love it just the same.

It's not too bad when the sun's out, but the sun only comes out when it feels like coming out.

Can you ever get off for good behavior?" he joked. I gave him what I hoped was a seductive smile as I found my seat. "Sure," I called over my shoulder. "If I was ever good.

Apart from picking the ball out of the net, he hasn't had to make a save.

The older I get, the more I become an apple pie, sparkling cider kind of guy.

A man's vanity tells him what is honor, a man's conscience what is justice.