I feel blessed, I really feel fulfilled.

Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low.

I will never vote Democrat again, they are Communists.

Most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?

I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised.

Talent is what drives this world ... Doesn’t matter how many satellites you f---ing stick in the air.

I think I could create a cult, no problem. The hard part is getting people to kill themselves.

I'm down with just the Backstreet Boys.

When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience.

I've always been about honesty, whether on the radio, whether I did a movie, whether I wrote a book. As long as you're honest, you don't lose your edge.

You've got to be a little vicious. You've got to be narcissistic. You've got to be on fire about your career.

I would love to have more kids. Kids are the best part of my day. I don't wake up to make movies. I wake up to hang out with my family.

I'm a really bad liar. My mom finds out every time, especially now that she's got Facebook.

No life's worth more than any other, no sister worth less than any brother.

The Opera was a very cold film, a hopeless and dark film, no hope, no love.

When I teach writing, I have a mantra: Be a first-rate version of yourself, and not a second-rate version of another writer.

I'm a genius. I'm like Prince.

Obstacles are challenges for winners and excuses for losers.

Apologizing - a very desperate habit - one that is rarely cured. Apology is only egotism wrong side out.

The White House is the leakiest place I've ever been in. (On special measures to ensure secrecy of plans to bomb Libya)

In Anglo-Saxon countries the prostitutes look as if they purveyed, along with sin, the attendant pains of hell.