I didn't think it was going to be this fun. But everything just gets heightened when you have a baby. The volume gets turned up on life. I never knew I could be this happy, and that's the truth.

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

Gently guide the tender vine else it become wild, tangled and impossible.

Myths of the heroes speak most eloquently of man's quest to choose life over death.

Love and wisdom are guides towards awakening.

I like wearing my dad's sweaters because I knew that he wore them when he held me when I was a baby.

Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."

You can't get any better than TV on HBO, ABC and BBC3.

Most lives are spent putting on and taking off masks.

Mankind ought to end its existence of its own will.

I am never wrong when it comes to my possibilities.

Indifference is the invincible grant of the world.