Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.

Middle age: when you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms.

To be born in Kentucky is a heritage; to brag about it is a habit; to appreciate it is a virtue.

Until you go to Kentucky and with your own eyes behold the Derby, you ain't never been nowhere and you ain't seen nothin'!

If I wanted to go crazy I would do it in Washington because it would not be noticed

If writers were good businessmen, they'd have too much sense to be writers.

You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

If a woman likes another woman, she's cordial. If she doesn't like her, she's very cordial.

A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in.

Men are vain; but they won't mind women working so long as they get smaller wages for the same job.

When you take action-think.When you fail-think.When you are in doubt-think.When you have lost your way-think.You are nothing but your thoughts.

And his father has the gall to think I’d seduce a kid who uses Clearasil instead of aftershave!

When your back is against the wall financially, creative juices flow.

The snow has quietness in it; no songs, no smells, no shouts or traffic. When I speak my own voice shocks me.

Smile your best smile at everyone you see. Think about all the things you have to be thankful for... and smile. The world will smile with you.

In the Far East, studying yoga is comparable to a mixture of attending one of the best Western universities, and of being an intrepid explorer.

Anything worth doing in this world is incredibly difficult to do.

The only way the kingdom of God is going to be manifest in this world before Christ comes is if we manifest it by the way we live as citizens of heaven and subjects of the King.

Whether we like it or not we are consideably bound to Europe.

Far too many executives have become more concerned with the four P's -- pay, perks, power and prestige -- rather than making profits for shareholders.