Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?

Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems?

Calvin:"It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.'...what do you suppose that means?"Television: "...it means that Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet

sometimes being silent is the best way to appreciate the moment

But I'll tell you what hermits realize. If you go off into a far, far forest and get very quiet, you'll come to understand that you're connected with everything.

Fame is the beauty parlor of the dead.

I take toleration to be a part of religion. I do not know which I would sacrifice; I would keep them both: it is not necessary that I should sacrifice either.

Writing, madam, is a mechanic part of wit. A gentleman should never go beyond a song or a billet.

A sight of the label is worth 50 years experience.

Tobacco is the passion of honest men and he who lives without tobacco is not worthy of living.

When people consent to do something, they should be able to do whatever they want.

Even when winnin's illogical, losin's still far from optional