Here's what happens when you die--you sit in a box and get eaten by worms. I guarantee you that when you die, nothing cool happens.

Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low.

I will never vote Democrat again, they are Communists.

Most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?

I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised.

Talent is what drives this world ... Doesn’t matter how many satellites you f---ing stick in the air.

I think I could create a cult, no problem. The hard part is getting people to kill themselves.

I'm down with just the Backstreet Boys.

When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience.

I've always been about honesty, whether on the radio, whether I did a movie, whether I wrote a book. As long as you're honest, you don't lose your edge.

You've got to be a little vicious. You've got to be narcissistic. You've got to be on fire about your career.

Innovation is more attitude than skill.

In Australia the Man Booker is sometimes seen as something of a chicken raffle. I just didn’t expect to end up with the chicken.

I hate it when politics play too large part in the sport.

Viola [Davis] is one of the great actors of her generation. She has one of these moments in the theater that I don't even know how to describe.

The managerial class has forced on us a public language that makes no sense

Growing up, I never imagined I would be an actor.

You, my friend, alone are equal to a hundred of such friends. Happy Birthday to you.

Keep on complaining about slavery and that was over 40 to 50 years ago. You know, black folks need to move on.

Either the soul survives death or it does not, and there is no scientific evidence that it does.

The moon gives you light, and the bugles and the drums give you music, and my heart, O my soldiers, my veterans, my heart gives you love.