Hairspray and blusher, eyelash curlers, eye-shadow palettes the size of tea-trays. Even before they left school it was as if they were already rehearsing for some witless kind of womanhood.

Give a bull grass, sweet water and a willing heifer and he is happy. But a man is never content. If no gadflies of worry exist he will invent them.

New York lesson 1 - never look lost. Lesson 2 - forget hallowed silences. It's the right of all Americans to talk at the tops of their voices.

No sadder proof can be given by a man of his own littleness than disbelief in great men.

I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.

There's a lot of complicated magical reasons why I'm not at the party that are too long and semantic to go into.

Quotes are like cayenne pepper or some other strong spice: a little goes a long way, and too much is a disaster.

The married are those who have taken the terrible risk of intimacy and, having taken it, know life without intimacy to be impossible.

Can I catch Johnny Manziel? Yes, I would go right at him. Hit him in the mouth.

The devil is real. He lives inside C programs.

By nature, I am an experimentalist. I don't believe much in accomplishment.

To get a job where the only thing you have to do in your career is to make people laugh-well, its the best job in the world.

I don't need power at the cost of spilled blood.