Every Republican is on record as saying Obamacare is unacceptable, intolerable, and they're gonna do everything they could to keep it from happening. But, at the moment of truth, they're not.

If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.

Poverty is not the root cause of crime.

Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box.

We're not sexists, we're chauvinists - we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want.

End results that work that don’t involve government threaten liberals.

You know why there's a Second Amendment? In case the government fails to follow the first one.

Styrofoam and plastic milk jugs are biodegradable! Do you know what isn't biodegradable? Paper!

I think cigars are just a tremendous addition to the enjoyment of life.

The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.

In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?

When you slow down and focus on completing one task at a time, your life will automatically diversify.

If you want to achieve your dreams, you must follow them, and the best way to follow them is not to think about wanting to be very rich, but to think about doing something that you really want to do.

Harm seek, harm find.

I don't want to be in the spotlight so bad that I'm going to sell my soul, or sell my creativity short.

I have a really nice step ladder, sadly, I never knew my real ladder.

I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.

I'm hard-nosed about luck...If you're persistent in trying and doing and working, you almost always make your own fortune.

More liberty begets desire of more; The hunger still increases with the store

I'm certainly not saying that my life is what success is all about. To me, success is the ongoing process of striving to become more.

There are few truths in an uncertain world, but here's one; this aint Kentucky!